a million emotions bottled up.

so here's the deal.

it's the same feeling of confusion that shrouds my mind. i can't clear it knowing that it's a problem going to be hanging around. the same way, became a serious dilemma.

if two poles constantly repelled, could the force still weaken eventually?

some of the most touching things ever seen/heard/felt surprisingly, came in the strangest way possible.

who knew that there would come a day like this.

maybe, if you keep trying, rocks do have a breaking point too.

the myriad of feelings put together, becomes a whole 'nother story.

it's sad that life does revolve in a circle after all.

people used to say that i was always thinking and forever emotional. well, if i wasn't like that, i wouldn't be me.

and now at this juncture, it's possible not to think.

we've already thought so far ahead, why stop now?

the same one sentence that was first said to break that silence and fill the gap, is the same one sentence that now gives some one a reason to ponder.

who actually has the higher authority? the heart or mind?

secondly, i'm going to start by saying that seriously, get a f life. i can't stand the way people are going around acting all pitiful, like the whole world has done an injustice to him, when in actual fact, he's the one who has been doing himself in.

i can't help but roll my eyes at the absurd pure immaturity of someone who claims that he's all that great and super mature. and i wished to keep my mouth shut, but the act of pathetic-ness is killing me.

the whole world spreads gossip, not just one person. just because one person said it first does not mean that the same one person is responsible for the following. guess what, no one upstairs is even interested in you anymore. and pray tell, who was the one who started to make the signs more obvious?

i laugh at the bitching i hear in the locker rooms, of girls whom i don't even know off, bitching about people who deserved to be bitched about. well well. guess now you know that gossip isn't just spread by one person eh? but ah... you were too full of yourself and honestly, pure stupid to think you're always right.

i've been wanting to say this for a long time: DR.

what you have been trying to do to hurt others, is even dumber, because the mountain you thought could rely on, was actually backing the same person you tried to hurt. it was purely a coincidence that you happened to be standing right at the foot of the mountain and automatically thought it would support you.

well, haha. i can't imagine how many people are trying to give you hints to move, because, people aren't as dumb as you think they are. it helps that those people have all the right sort of communication tools and bonds, something which your arrogant, snobbish attitude could never bring you. even till now. and there you are, deluding yourself thinking that others are the one who are being lied to. honestly, we all feel so sorry for you. not.

reading the same story from different books sure gives a lot more perspective than reading and concluding everything from one book.

ah, what a sad fairytale ending.

Joel's 19 - with Dad.

an outdated post.

23 December, 2009.

today my little brother turns 19. guess technically i can't say he's little anymore.

had 2 days of dinners for him, with dad then mom.

dad brought us to this mongolian international buffet place called Kublai Khan in park mall.

he was so hyped up about it, saying how inexpensive/great/wide spread of food there is.

okay, needless to say it got me curious and sort of hyped.

but when we arrived, it was like being greeted at a temple.

cause for the first time ever in a shopping complex, they lit joss sticks. seriously? in an air-conditioned place?

major weird-ness.

and the food was..........

pardon my finger. as you can tell, i'm no photographer. caesar salad. it was literally lettuce. not romaine lettuce. and seriously, the "caesar dressing" tasted like diluted mayonnaise.

cold food looked alright. though i didnt try it.

baked potato! yum. can't remember what's the meat thing. probably something my brother threw on my plate. check out the "caesar salad" again.

some of the hot food items.

well, the upside is, there was still chilli crab. and mantou? don't see that very often. no wait, never even saw that before, so that was something i was pretty much impressed with.

funny crab incident.

this guy saw me dad using a nutcracker while eating crabs. came over, and stood a while staring at us, before saying:

random guy: uh... 'cuse me. where did you get this... <hand showing nutcracker usage movement>?
dad: umm... we got it from the staff. why don't you ask them.
random guy: oh okay, thanks.

after which, my brother and i bastardly started this comic strip.

me: i wanted to tell him, "oh, no lah i brought it from home."

bro: i some more wanted to say <looking into bag> "oh wait ah. i see if i brought any extra."

LOL. couldn't stop laughing at his bitchy-ness.

but seriously, the guy did ask a DUH question.

tom yam soup condiments. and chawanmushi encased at the right.

puff pastry soup!

oh my God. have not seen this since dining at Hip Diner's. i LOVE soups like these. totally whets my appetite.

unfortunately, the stupidest thing is that. it's supposed to be mushroom soup. but what happened was that it turned out to be more of like a mushroom-flavoured milk. yes it literally tasted like milk with mushrooms inside.

they also had this interesting teppanyaki. choose your own meat/vegetables and chef cooks it for you.

bro and i took quite a bit of chicken.

manager went "why don't you take more? when you cook it it'll become very little."

we didn't believe. and in the end...

you wouldn't believe how we looked at each other and laugh.

dad and bro did take huge generous servings of abalone, salmon sashimi and squid though.

guess it was the only thing worth it.

i'm not much of an abalone fan (makes me feel like throwing up if i have too much of it; don't ask me why), though i did have 1 or 2 slices. i'll admit, it was juicy and tender.

needless to say, it was why my brother especially, ate like abalone almost the whole night.

i was disappointed though. serious LACK OF DESSERTS.

boo to that.

you dont't ask a dessert person to go to a buffet where they serve only about 3 types of cakes, of which 2 couldn't even make the cut. and i believe the rest are like chinese sort of like desserts? can't quite remember.

i'm pretty much a western-italian dessert person, so looking at the desserts in what looks like an open-glass showcase was like... a major turn-off.

even the coffee machine was disappointing. ice water dispenser was like a jug which is used at home.

okay, i'm done complaining.

secretly took a pic of dad and bro.

can't say it was the best dinner i've had, but i give dad an A* for his effort and plans.

next up, dinner with mom.

A Friend In Need; A Friend Indeed.

i never thought that i'd see the light of this day.

when 2010 came, and every one was celebrating, i was having the "time of my life".

and i always wondered, if any solutions offered would yield results.

strangely, in the most obscure way, it did.

maybe like what she said, it's karma; retribution.

frankly, i've never felt this happy in my life.

it's like a sense of liberation; freedom. a heavy, heavy burden lifted off my shoulders.

sometimes, there is still that wee sense of anticipation; wanting to know if the future would bring about any resemblance to the past.

but for now, i never have to worry about anything again. *crosses fingers*

and for the friends who had my back, who rendered all forms of help whatsoever, "black or white", even the people i'm not even remotely close to, you know who you are, don't know if you even read my blog, but thanks for all your support and help.

Dinner and Dance

so many posts, so little time.

work has been piling on me like there's no tomorrow.

after one pile's cleared, in comes another.

and on top of it, medication seems to be useless now?

maybe like what my brother said, too much antibiotics will make your body immune to it. *shrugs*

i literally slept for 13 hours on Sunday but woke up feeling like i have not slept.

back to topic.

finally, i had my first dinner and dance. i've always wanted to be part of one to enjoy the fun, but it's a pity my ex-boss was a gay and a miser.

well, thanks for letting my do all your work for your lazy ass supervisors/managers to get to the top. screw you, and them.

anyway, this year i was so grateful to be invited, but stupid that i was working. shall not get to that.

did get to join in the festivities though!

a good friend who's also a trainee planned the themed. and it sort of matches her. Retro. lol.

well, not saying she's retro, but she has that sort of cute flair.

to start off the night, check out our emcee!

Abigail! she was quite hilarious. especially the way she asked people to play games.

highlights of the night:

Go Room Service! lol.

F&B department. check out my high boss with the long hair at the corner.

even though we didn't win, it was still a good show. check it out on facebook.

and after the performances:

Justine, my immediate "boss". lol.

Garry. the best friend any one could ask for.

bar. square. room service.

goofing around with their afros. sorry, don't know the name of the random guy.

after all the prizes and all, they opened up the "dance floor", which was actually really just the stage.

and for the first time in my life, i got literally dragged up to the dance floor. as in. dragged. literally.

they somehow spotted me sitting at the tables and all came rushing down dragging me up.

i swear, my countless attempts to jump from the stage were foiled by people blocking my way and grooving their asses in front of me.

Nicc, believe me please.

Mie Ling. my poor helpless friend suffering the same fate. got dragged up.

crazy, high people dancing like there's no tomorrow.

Arun and I, dance floor.

trust me, i was not dancing. more like laughing and desperately still trying to escape.

well, there were hiccups along the way. but overall, the night was great. somewhat.

hopefully the next year would be an equally a good a year.

but hopefully even more, the same people will be there.

The Joy That Christmas Brings?

none, for me.

it's Christmas eve. at last.

i'm always waiting for this day to come every year.

but lo and behold. like i said, something happens to screw it off every single damn year.

i just received the most ridiculous e-mail from some one i was supposed to respect?

screw you for spoiling my Christmas eve.

thank You, the Man above, for making me believe i'm not supposed to have a pleasant Christmas just for ONCE.

i'm normally not a complain type of person. cause i can't stand the people who lodged complaints every where they go. i really, really hate to admit this but, Singaporeans are really... nevermind.

but now, i can't help but to bring out this trait because i believe i had more than enough.

and i'm so very extremely tempted to kick up a damn big fuss because i've been controlling my temper and swallowing their shit for almost 3 weeks.

with all the laziness, illogical reasons, ridiculous behaviour and now, biased-ness?

screw that, seriously.

shit you for making me so pissed off, i really just can't make myself smile.

it's just before New Year's and already, i'm worried i'll have a shitty start. thanks to you people.

oh god. i'm very super extremely hyper absolutely pissed.